Wednesday, 14 August 2013

How to prepare for Science Day at school.

Child A.  Mad Scientist.

Step 1.  Take one ten year old.  Preferably with long hair.  Instruct her (she's a girl by the way) to wash her hair so it can be put into multiple plaits. Then make her go to karate pick up, despite her protesting that her hair's drying and it will never work.

Step 2. When you finally get home, wet her hair again and divide it into tiny sections.  Make as many little plaits as you can.  11 is good.  If you are a fabulous mum you will manage more.

Step 3.  Take an old business shirt and cut/rip holes in it in a random fashion, reminiscent of an experiment gone wrong.  Locate any or all of the following accessories: tie, clipboard, test tube with green jelly, bow tie, magnifying glass, ball point pens, 3D glasses with the lens out.  Put aside for later.

The next morning:

Step 4.  When the 10 year old wakes up, instruct her to take all the plaits out.  Turn her upside down and shake her hair around while spraying it with hairspray.  Get a brush and ruthlessly tease that hair until it looks like nothing on earth.  Begin to fear the afternoon when it will need to be brushed.

Step 5.  Allow the 10 year old to give herself black smudges on her face (experiment gone wrong remember) using face crayons purchased hysterically at the $2 shop the day before.

Child B.  Frankenstein's Monster

Step 1.  Take one 8 year old.  This time, a boy.  Take his best 'smart' party shirt from two years before and his old size 4 black combat pants.  Attack with a pair of scissors.  Let everyone have a go.  Because it's fun ripping clothes on purpose.

Step 2. Obtain one tub of industrial strength hair gel.  Use this gel to force down the beautiful wiry curls of your son.  Keep coating hair until it gives up and lies straight (ish).  You will not have much gel left. Spray subdued hair with black hairspray until your curly headed lad is unrecognisable.  Shed a tear.

Step 3. Allow the 10 year old mad scientist (above) to give the 8 year old some scar tissue and a fine monobrow using the face crayons.  Give the 8 year old a pretend 'bolt through the neck' purchased hysterically from the $2 shop (those places are amazing) the day before.

Step 4. Paint the 8 year old's visible skin a sickly shade of green using body paint purchased hysterically from you know where, you know when.  Add far more green than you want to because of urging by the 8 year old.  Show him how he looks in the mirror.  He is delighted.

Child C.  Water molecule

Step 1. Convince 6 year old (girl again) that it's a great idea to be a water molecule, dressed up in her brothers robot costume from Open Day (a piece of silver material with a head slit cut in it).  Buy silver hair spray to sweeten the deal.  I'll let you guess where this was purchased, and when.

Step 2. Put hair into high pony because "that's what molecules look like" (according to her), get told off for trying to tease the hair up.  Spray on silver spray and realise because her hair is already blonde, it doesn't really show.  Cuddle your molecule and tell her she looks great.

Step 3.  Allow the 10 year old mad scientist to draw water droplets on the molecules face, to really drive the point home.

Step 4.  Teach the 6 year old to say molecule so she can tell people what she is.

Step 5.  On the advice of a wise and trusted friend, also write H2O a few times on the molecule's face and hands.

Take a photo.

Realise it's 7:35 (yes really) and time to get to band practice.  Jump in car, pick up a zoologist/clarinet player and arrive at band to find more mad scientists than you could poke a stick at.

There were a few non mad scientists, including a black hole (kid in all black) and one dissected frog with a velcro opening stomach/tee shirt arrangement.

I was impressed.  And utterly exhausted. But there's a happy ending to this tale.


Best costume in 2R.  Thanks in large part to his big sisters budding make up artistry.

And that, my friends, is how you prepare for Science Day.